Recently I decided that I needed a break from all of this. The blogging, the twitter, the instagram, everything. I knew I would come back to it eventually – I just needed a time out.
Truly it’s because I wasn’t happy as a person or in myself and was literally drowning in so much negativity. And how was I supposed to put my effort and time into something that is all my own ideas when I couldn’t even concentrate on loving myself? I had talked myself into a rut where I really didn’t want to do anything, say anything or write anything. I knew this would come across in my blog, and I always want to put the best content I can out there, so I decided to take a break.
Various things had also happened to lead me to this point and were leading me down a dark road. Getting knocks and negativity thrown at you again and again at you do take a toll, and eventually it gets to a point where you just need to step back from everything to gather the pieces of yourself up that you have left. This sounds so dramatic but if you’ve been there, you know what I mean. No matter how much I love blogging, just like any hobby, you do really need to take a break sometimes if you’re not getting any positivity out of it. And I really wasn’t. It honestly felt like all the passion had been sucked out of me and I just simply didn’t want to do it.
So I took a time out. I took some days to sit, think, and collect my thoughts. Basically I got my s**t together. And I decided I should love myself. I have an amazing family, friends, the most supportive boyfriend; all who love me for me. So I’ve got to have some good qualities, right? For those few days I spent so much time focusing on me and carving out all these feelings that I’ve had for myself. I wrote down all my thoughts and noticed a pattern: “you can’t do this because of this ____, you think this way because of this ____, you’re like this because of this _____”… I was blaming and making up excuses for everything, and why? Because it was easier? Probably. But that’s just not the way life works. With the help of my amazing support network, I realised that what I was thinking was honestly just ridiculous. How can I think I’m unworthy or less than I actually am purely because of other situations I’d been in? I have the ability to change how I feel about myself and how I react to certain things, regardless of my past experiences and thought patterns.
I have achieved so much in my life so far. I’ve had the strength to get out of so many toxic situations, rose above those that were hurting me most, got into a training course I really wanted to, travelled, conquered fears, and that was all my doing. It was all me. Realising this was so amazing and yes, I am still working on loving myself for who I am, but those days really helped me deal with these troubling thoughts and be a lot more realistic. And for those who’ve hurt me and tried to bring me down – you haven’t won. I read a quote from the amazing Em Sheldon‘s blog the other day – “blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make your light brighter”, and that is so true. And you only made me come back with a stronger fire anyway.
Leading on from this, it made me think that there are probably lots of people in the same position as me, who are hurt or low for whatever reason, and it can be hard. My advice would be to really focus on yourself more. This sounds so general and vague but it’s meant to be – do whatever you feel is necessary to put you first. And I don’t mean just lighting a candle and having a bath (although this does help a bit), but really take time to unearth those deep feelings and address them. Go to counselling if you feel like it, there’s no shame in that. Call up your favourite person just to talk for hours and cry and get it all out and then get better and stronger. I’ve learnt that you literally get nothing from brushing your thoughts under the carpet and letting them stay dormant. And don’t make excuses for how you feel!!! You are thinking the things you are thinking because YOU are thinking them – if that makes any sense. What I’m trying to say is that you are actually in charge of how you feel. Your mind is so powerful and you have the ability to turn things around and change your way of thinking. We’ve all got it in us. We only have one short little life, so why not spend it loving yourself? Why are so many people ready to say I love YOU but feel afraid to say I love ME? (I could write a whole other blog post about that…).
Prioritise yourself, love yourself a little bit more every day, be content in yourself. You are amazing!
P.S. If anyone ever wants to message me about anything, or just need someone to talk to, you can email/tweet/DM/comment on here and I’ll be there. Let’s support each other and lift each other up! Positivity breeds positivity!