Toxic relationships are one the most frustrating and difficult experiences you can go through. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, but friendships too. They can impact your wellbeing, influence your choices, prevent you from making other meaningful relationships…unfortunately, the list goes on.
One of the worst things about toxic relationships is not a lot of people realise they’re in them till it’s too late. Many people pass off an explosive fight as just a minor argument or constantly picking up phone calls at 3 am as just being supportive, but this behaviour is not okay. It can snowball into dangerous scenarios and emotional/psychological dehydration until you have nothing left of you to give. And then they STILL want more.
Toxic friendships are so hard to deal with because you automatically downplay their actions as just part of their personality. Or maybe you’ve been friends with this person all your life, so you should just “deal with it”. Again, this is not okay. Toxic friends criticise, envy your successes, and may be very negative people. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells with your friend, or on an emotional rollercoaster where it’s clear they’re in charge of the highs and lows, it’s time to get out. For me, moving on from these friendships was difficult and painful, but you have to do what’s best for yourself.
In romantic relationships, sometimes toxicity, manipulation and emotional abuse can go hand in hand. Being told what to wear and who to speak to are not compassionate traits and it is not because they love you and want the best for you. Any person who tries to manipulate you and make you feel like a lesser human being and that you literally cannot live your own life is not worth your time at all. It is all about power and control, and if you are experiencing this, it is toxic to your wellbeing. Jaclyn Hill made a really important and insightful video into her past relationship, and it’s a really good point of reference if you’re unsure of the language and mindplay techniques I’m talking about. I literally agreed with EVERY second of this video and it’s true what she says: a relationship like this is dysfunctional. I could honestly write a whole blog post on this relationship and reference every single manipulation or horrible experience but that wouldn’t be helpful nor would I publicly embarrass anyone, but if you do feel as though you’re experiencing something similar please email me. I’m always here to help (been there, done that, didn’t wear the t-shirt because I wasn’t allowed…HA!).
Despite the bad experiences and decline in my own wellbeing, I am grateful for my toxic relationships because they have shaped me into who I am today. These relationships made me into a stronger, more resilient, and wiser woman. I can see the warning signs from a mile off and move on before anyone’s had their chance to bring me down. Say you don’t want me to wear that colour of lipstick? Bye. Criticise me not doing well enough in uni? Cya. If I hadn’t gone through what I have before, no way would I be able to react so strongly to these situations. It definitely wasn’t easy building up to where I am today and I still don’t think I’ve fully recovered, but I reassure myself with the fact that I got out of these relationships myself.
The toxicity I’ve experienced have also lead me to cultivate the best and healthiest relationships I can. Gone are the days where I have loads of friends that bring me down: now I only have a few that are super supportive and positive. I also have a boyfriend who is everything I need and more. He’s so chilled out and respectful, the exact opposite of what I’ve dealt with in the past, which makes me appreciate him and what we’ve got so much more. The relationships I’ve had have been awful and I wouldn’t wish the same on my worst enemy, but living through and learning from these have catapulted me into the happiest state I’ve ever been in. And for that, I am grateful. So thank you.
Again, if you need any help with anything I’ve talked about feel free to message me via email (firstname.lastname@example.org), Twitter, or Instagram. If I can help even one person with this post, then I’ve achieved what I set out to do.
Also, it’s important to remember that emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. If you are suffering from either check please these links: